Aunty M (Meira Kumar)

Hello, Auntyji

Aunty I still remember Bhajiyaas which you made when I didnt visit your home, which unluckily I never did. But I am sure that those bahjiyas of yours must have cast its spell on Aunty S. And now by the virtue of the spell casted by your divine bhajiyaas, you find yourself in a very big room half filled with savages and half filled with people who think why are they sitting with savages and making both savages and non savages shout like they are in kindergarten. Aunty with all my love for the feminism and more importantly for you, I am worried, deeply worried. Neither your stin in IFS and nor as a politician has ever taught you to control agitated savages. And with the soft un-noticeable voice, I think that big room should look for a sound engineer, where what you say can be altered into high pitch or low pitch as per requirement, and for fun when few speeches go really boring then you can try the chipmunk style also. If you wish then I can surely provide you with few competent people for the job. But yes, your quasi robotic inaudible without any pitch shallow voice may just not work with those savages who are accustomed to nothing but very loud noise, and all they can filter out of noise is their praise. I know you are not weak, but your fashion sense is yukkk…what has happened to you, aunty ji…DILLI ghum lo…and if you need some assistance then I have few friends in Delhi who can help you find some good saari shops. How is everyone in family, I think they must be happy with this new responsibility you have got, which not only require patience but insouciance for successful term. Yours only, Beta K

Bo

Hello Bo,

I know people will in general be astounded by the fact that I am writing this letter to you in english and hoping that you will understand it. To all those underminers, I would like to tell, “You $#t bags, you dont know what Bo is capable of doing.”

Bo, I am terribly sorry for not being in contact for so long, and could also not send you a congratulatory note on being the first of your kind to be that kind. But you also havent earned any brownies by not informing about your decision of adopting a family. With this letter I would like to break that thin layer of ice which distance and work has created between us. I hope it works… [legs crossed ]. Well, I would also like to appreciate your nice gesture of adopting the first family of United States of America, it must be a nice feeling for you and them too.

Over here, I feel slightly disgruntled for few things. Like, how blasphemous it is of your adopted male member(AMM), who tries to take credit of policy making, where I know that its you and your sound advice thats behind various international policies. You Af-Pak policy is a gem of a policy, you must have inspired him for distinguishing between good and bad taliban, as only a dog like you, sitting in house like you adopted male member have can take such decisions. There are few more things, like your male member taking all the lime light and leaving you only to move in lawns, but I am sure flowers over there, must be being manured well by you. Beside all these minor issues, the thing that has hurt me most is how blatantly is you wonder brain is being ignored at that place. Which is evident by misplaced economical policies and pale face for international peace.

I know of of no one who adjure about peace as you do, and can come next only to Mahatma Gandhi. In spite of this fact, your AMM, can only transcode what you tell him in Cani-tongue and not implement it.

I have to write more, but time isnt permitting me to do so, but since I have broken the thin wall of ice, I am hoping for a prompt reply from you. I promise you that in my next letter I would tell you more about things on my side, which might be percolating on your side through “silly media thing” ( as you once said).

Ahh one more thing, kindly suggest some one like you for maybe not as efficient as you are for our re-elected PM.

Yours Truly,

Kartik Trivedi [Ko Ko for you ]

Narrendra Modi

This time, yes only this time, I was pondering really hard to whom should I write another letter. You fitted the bill Mr.Modi. I know one thing that by know my letters are popular enough for the warmth they contain. Somehow, I am not being able to bring that piece of warmth from my heart. I have rather mixed bag of feelings for you Mr. Modi. We Indians might not be the largest drinker of beers but when it come to “Shankpushpi” we gulp it in gallons, and still the result remains the same, we forget far more often. I think I am regressing from the the main motive of this letter, ‘you’, and that too in such a time, when your are busiest.

I mentioned that I have mixed bag of feelings for you, I feel that there must be a very intelligent brain inside your head, which is smart enough to bring large business houses to invest in your state. The other part of bag holds the very same grudge which is in every mind of your opposition. Since this is election time we are bound to remember the things which happened during last elections…popularly known as Godhra episode.

Lets do some man to man talk, dont you feel even if you had least role in the whole episode, that it was your responsibility to not let happen what happened.  Humanity calls for few things and that includes, thinking of others before self. I dont know what kind of interests you had, as we never had time to sit together and talk about it, but things really dont look good even after some 5 years.

Germany made huge amount of technical progress under Hitler, but still we can not wash the fact that his name will be attached to one of the gruesome crimes made in human history. Isnt there some similarity between you and him, even for that matter, Russia under Stalin, or Bengal under your twin separated at birth Buddha Deb. Great deal of progress was made by every state mentioned, on the cost of humanity. I dont hope to meet you soon, as my exams are going on and I dont have any plans to visit Gujrat( no, no, complete no during elections) any time soon. I still hope that you keep the answers ready for few of my question, not directed to you but  just out of my general curiosity,

Does development can only be made on cost of humanity?

Mr Modi, you need to work great deal to earn some soft corner in my letters. I dont expect you to become Gandhi but I still hope that you realize that elections and your being CM is not the end of the world.

Plainly for You,

Kax

Musharraf (Who else than our beloved Neighbor).

Dear Mushy,

People have problem when I get too personal with them, what can I do, I am like this only. I feel that at this point of time when you are really alone in this global community you will feel these so very personal and lovely words as nectar. Man what in hell were you eating or drinking when you took this F^(%#) up decision. I know, even having such a long time relationship and a very healthy camaraderie you will ask me to shut up citing that its none of my business. Have you gone crazy, you are my beloved neighbor, I have every thing to do with it and with your subjects.

I know power is a beautiful thing which makes people dirty, but why on this planet do you feel that you on your not so big shoulders and a small brain( when compared to mine) that you can turn the fate of your nation in a very small time period and that to by a very undemocratic manner. When your subjects see that their friends in here, can bash their leaders in a free nation like India freely then they feel like killing people like you. I dont want you to be dead, at least not now. Even if we take that power is necessary to you like your uniform being your exoskeleton (pseudo armadillo) then too, you need to extend emergency for a longer period, say 2 years. Whats the damn logic in keeping it short, bringing in a puppet caretaker government so early and then elections by January? You are wasting your nations resources and your brain, dont do it, just dont do it. Mushy, sit, take some deep breaths, and think…you need power and respect that was the reason you took that seat. Pakistani people like Indians have short memory, and the so called American pressure will go down as their elections are nearing, extend the bloody election as long as possible. I personally dont see any need for emergency, but if you really think it is right ( by the way what were your logics?) then there is no need for elections right now.

See, I tell you the action plan, postpone the elections, give your speech to nation( yours not mine ) on 1st of January and tell your people that since the situation of your nation is still not under control {read: your control (when were they in control?)} so you can not conduct elections now, and give them some vague date lets say 23 May, my birthday. People will come on road, burn buildings, dont worry none of them were made by you, they will die, take 3 deep breaths, they are not your kin. If you see problems are increasing and people are making some wonderful plans to kill you, then go for a foreign trip, on pretext that you want others to understand your problem. This will serve two purpose, 1. You will get international limelight, 2. Their security is better than yours, you will be secure there. By the time you return, things will be calmer, people would have already wasted there ammunitions. Hey, a word of caution, there can be “Takhta Palat”, so to avoid it, feed your subordinates and every time you go outside do make it a point that you visit your Switzerland based account and put some more cash and kind in there. If your detractors become successful in “Takhta Palat” dont worry…you are not in Pakistan, take refuge in some better and calmer place, which means any other nation than Pakistan, dude you already have enough money for you and your family.

Its a friends job to give right advice, so I have done my job, but my Mom is really angry with you. You never felt it necessary to inform us about your plans. One more thing, why do you say that it was the most difficult decision of your life, you always wanted emergency. When you said, “… I stand by it because I think (?) it was in the national interest…” I was impressed, and I think you can go to the extent and say that when you pee its in your nations interest.

Mushy, my exams are around the corner and they are lot more tricky than your countries situation, hope you understand my situation and dont take my cutting short of this letter otherwise.

Waiting for our reply.

Yours Truly

Kax

Manmohan Singh

Subject : U taking U turn on nUclear pact.

Dear Mannu,

Its after long time that I am writing anything to you, if I forget the marks I scored in last semester mathematics examination then its probably after 21 years(I scored poorly in Maths). Mannu, I have always liked the way you take things when they come at you, with extreme modesty. Probably due to coalition politics, you have been forced to take u turns after u turns, and for a JATT I know, it must be a real hard thing to do. Mannu if there are 100 things on which we can mutually agree then one of them would be that you are not good in politics. Like a peacock blooming in rain, you bloom when it comes to economics. N-pact or no N-pact, I will allways be with you.

Mannu, but why do you call, Madam, Madamji and not Soniaji. I personally dont have any problem with it, but at least in a nation where Prime Minister is the real boss, we would like a PM who is the BOSS.

Coming back on the N-Pact or should I call it U-pact, because the number of times you have taken U’s I have forgot the N before U to make it NUclear pact. Tell me one thing honestly, I will keep it to myself, Are you truly sure that N/U Pact is good for nation or not. And if you are nodding in Yes then where is your conviction gone, my parents have always told me, conviction comes from truth. If you are convinced then I am convinced though at the back of my mind I know more than N/U pact is going to help our country it will help those companies who are going to supply us with the required materials. And one more thing which I would like to put straight, the books you are reading now a days are not good( i am not talking of the latest Playboys) but books on energy. Nuclear energy in no way can be the complete solution to our energy needs so stop selling that N/U deal to us in that way. Saying that me and my friends also know that it nuclear energy is required for us.

MannU, I am expecting a quick reply on my final question, What is more important to you? India or 7 Race Course? Till then I am hoping for more news without U’s

Yours Truly

Kax